22 December 2016

Bryan Adams: Bounty Hunter

Had one of my patented "watching a movie" dreams.

In this movie dream, Bryan Adams played a married father of three.

(If he still wore guyliner, I could've said "mother" and thus made a joke at the expense of his masculinity. Alas, these days he's as manly as a vegan can be.)

When his youngest son died, he decided to leave his wife and two remaining children and become a bounty hunter.

"Not to worry, honeybunny. Though I leave you in a great and terrible grief to support two growing children who desperately need their father, I'll be sure to send you 25% of every bounty I collect (The remaining 75% will go towards food, clothing, supplies, hotels, and bordellos for those cold, lonely winter nights.)."

"#$%^ you, too."

Donning gray pants and a gray ranger hat with some strange head sleeve attached under the brim,

(Wear the latter under the former and you get a close approximation of what I'm trying to describe.)

he took to wandering a perpetually stormy wilderness in search of criminals to bring to justice.

"Bryan? This is God. I'd just like you to know that this all could have been avoided if you'd just retired after releasing Into the Fire."

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