From the Dream Archives: Secret Kung Fu Agent Man/Glenn Frey: Hypnotist/3 is the Loneliest Number/Mad World/Reservoir Toydarians/Hissing High

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 12 JULY 2016)

I had this really wacky dream early this morning. I dreamt I was a time-travelling, Kung Fu-fighting secret agent — sort of a three-way cross between Marty McFly, Bruce Lee, and James Bond.

The dream was going really good — I foiled a demon’s attempt to re-convert me to Armstrongism,

(Read 1975 in Prophecy! to learn just how right he was.)

and I was kicking all sorts of malign ass — when the real-life bickering between my parents woke me up.

Just gotta love my parents. When they’re not sabotaging my life, they’re sabotaging my dreams.

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(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 16 JULY 2016)

I had a dream early this morning where Glenn Frey

hypnotized me and Gillian Anderson using a video played from a smartphone. Once in the hypnotic trance, I had a dream within a dream of a woman getting her teeth cleaned at a dental clinic.

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(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 19 JULY 2016)

Had a dream were I met and got romantically involved with two different, equally vivacious women.

I informed neither of the other's existence. Regardless, one of the girls found out about the other and gave me an ultimatum to choose between them. As I liked them both equally, I didn’t want to have to choose between them.

(Where's a Fly-type transporter when you really need one?)

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(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 7 AUGUST 2016)

My last dream was pretty disconcerting.

It was like I was trapped in a Twilight Zone episode where the laws of physics themselves seemed to be breaking down around me.

I would see things appear and disappear in-and-out of thin air without anyone else noticing,

and the people in my life themselves would change shape – take on different hairstyles,

skin colours,

even different dimensions.

Matters got so bad that I opened the front door of my home, and facing the cold winter weather outside, I screamed out to God to deliver me from whatever was happening. It seems God did answer my cry, for the weird breakdown of reality came to a halt. In this new stabilized reality, I found that I was now blond, in my early teens, with a pronounced overbite.

I was also the sidekick of both Superman and the Flash, dressed in some Kid Flash/Superboy combo outfit.

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(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 12 AUGUST 2016)

This dream began with me connecting an N64 console to my TV and struggling to get a pristine reception through the screen. Then some weird shit with my house catching fire transpired and the dream realigned. Suddenly I found myself watching a SW equivalent of Reservoir Dogs. Watto

had brought all these gangsters together for some nefarious purpose. One of the gangsters was played by Bryan Adams.

Anyway, Bryan did something which pissed Watto off, so Watto had him killed.

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(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 15 AUGUST 2016)

Had another one of my “back to high school” dreams earlier today. In this dream, I was crawling through the hallways and up-and-down the stairs on my belly like I was a giant lizard, hissing at anyone who looked at me the wrong way or tried to interfere with me.

From the Dream Archives: All that We See or Seem Is but a Dream Within a Dream (Within a Dream)

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 10 JULY 2016)

Basically, this dream began with me going back to my old high school to finish off my high school education. This is a recurring dream theme of mine — going back to my old school, where I was expelled back in 2004, the only student there in his twenties, with all the classmates I knew from way back when long gone, leaving me peerless and lonely. Anyway, in these dreams I usually just go through the motions. I may be searching for someone or a photograph of someone I knew from the past,

but otherwise I handle myself well under the circumstances. This time, however, this time I had a nervous breakdown. I started screaming that I shouldn’t be there, that if it weren’t for all the bullshit I had gone through, I would’ve graduated years ago.

That’s when the dream got really bizarre. Suddenly, it was revealed that I wasn’t really myself and that none of this was really happening. I was really a teenaged kid — fourteen or fifteen — who resembled a young Rod Taylor,

the adopted son of a lesbian couple, who had suffered a psychotic break, leading me to believe I was a completely different, older person.

Oh, but the weirdness really jacked up from there. I then slipped on a red visor,

and in doing so I was able to perceive another person in another world; this person was me — not the teenaged Rod Taylor me, but the me me.

Only I was dressed like a man from the '50s — with short, slicked-back hair, attired in a neat black suit — and I was seated in a chair, hooked up to a virtual reality machine.

So, to make it clear, the dream was about this: A 1950s version of myself was hooked up to a virtual reality machine, causing me to experience a VR simulation where I was a teenaged Rod Taylor, who was suffering delusions of being a far older man, who was suffering a mental breakdown as a result of having to go back to his old high school.

(I think Philip K. Dick would’ve been proud of this dream.)

Return of Tales from the Gimpy Hospital

This rather unpleasant dream began with me spying a haggard man wandering around my backyard.

(He looked like the character Chick Hogan from Bates Motel.)

My family took this man to be a prowler, lurking about. However, once I saw him right out back — in plain sight — but my sister didn’t, it became clear I was hallucinating.

In short order, I was brought to a psychiatric hospital. Upon being diagnosed with schizophrenia, they assigned me a doctor and started treating me with drugs. The drugs did very little for me, however, and I soon began experiencing perpetual states of altered consciousness.

(It's what I imagine a bad acid trip to be like, only without the prospect of the trip ever ending.)

On top of the schizophrenia, I turned out to have dissociative identity disorder, too; I manifested a split personality — a female personality who was incredibly foul-mouthed and violent.

Due to these factors, they had me restrained to my bed, though I found ways to wriggle loose.

My attending doctor appeared to me in two different forms. First she appeared to me as Rosie O’Donnell.

(Ugh.)

Then she appeared as a young, long-haired Jamie Lee Curtis.

(Much better.)

My Pyrokinetic, Mass-Murdering Surrogate Son

The following is quite possibly the most visceral, heartwrenching dream I've ever had. As such, I'd like to go in-depth relating its sequence of events. However, a month has passed since I had this specific dream, relegating the minutiae to Hypnos' dustbin. Hence I'm forced to defer to brevity in this instance.

D

and Laura Bertram

were combined into a single woman.

(I shall call her "Launia".)

Launia and I were soulmates, yet not lovers.

Launia married Ricky Mabe.

Together they had a son. This son, whom I loved as if he were my own, grew up to become a pyrokinetic mass murderer.

Various Marvel superheroes were out to capture him.

(They will succeed. They always do.)

From the Dream Archives: Let's Carve Ourselves a Witch, Son/Love Bus Stop

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 30 JUNE 2016)

I took a nap today, ended up having a most memorable dream.

It began with me hanging out with my son. He was three or four and looked like Robert Sean Leonard.

I was feeling joyous, happy 'cause I knew this meant I was married. Though she didn't make an appearance in the dream,

I knew right away who my wife was.

Then the dream turned strange. A witch showed up, threatening to harm my son. At that point I transformed into Ash from the Evil Dead series.

I picked up an old musket with a bayonet attached at the end, stabbed the witch through the eye and out the back of her head, pinning her to the wall behind her. That's when a second Ash showed up

and began dismembering her with a chainsaw.

The dream then realigned.

I found myself a teenager back in high school. As I got off the bus at school, there was this incredibly hot girl standing there on the sidewalk. She was brunette or dark blonde, moderately muscular, clad in a tank top and jean cutoffs.

"YOWZA!"

I sat down with her on the pavement and began feeling her up. Just when we were preparing to undress and have sex right then and there in public, my psychological V-chip engaged and the dream drew to a climax.

(But I didn't. 😣)

Labyrinth of Legends

Once upon a time, there was the Earth.

And on the Earth was Man.

And Man had dominion over every beast in the field and bird in the air and fish in the sea.

Then Man breached the barriers between the Earth and Todash Space,

and the demoniac hordes were loosed upon the Earth,

and the Earth was made waste and empty.

Then the Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea sent his son, Aslan,

to renew the face of the Earth. Aslan planted a glen in the midst of the Waste Lands, and taking the last of every wondrous and holy creature, filled it, setting bars all along the Glen to shield it from the Todash monsters and their minions.

A young maiden was brought to the Glen stables,

(We'll call her Sarah-Lily.)

where she was put in charge of caring for the sacred unicorn, last of its kind.

Sarah-Lily, entranced by the unicorn's purity, came to love the creature.

In the Waste Lands, in the Dark Kingdom, there reigned Jareth — Dark Prince of the Goblins.

(And a million fangirls cried out in pleasure and suddenly climaxed.)

Jareth came to know of the unicorn and the magical powers it wielded. Coveting the beast, Jareth set about appearing in Sarah-Lily's dreams. Speaking to her in velvet tones, he promised all his love and his glory to her if she would but take the unicorn from the Glen and ride out upon it to his castle.Very innocent, just as naive, Sarah-Lily succumbed to Jareth's charm and fell deeply in love with the Dark Prince. Doing as her beloved requested, Sarah-Lily saddled up the unicorn and took it from the stables. A stable boy

(I was wondering when I was supposed to appear in my own dream.)

noticed her slip out with the unicorn and decided to see where she was off to. Keeping himself hidden, the stable boy followed her as she rode through the Glen, out the gate, into the Dead Wood.

Travelling along the path through the Dead Wood surrounded by overgrown, lifeless trees which choked out the very sky, Sarah-Lily soon saw Jareth in the distance. Jareth, atop a black Clydesdale steed, held aloft a scepter bearing a crystal globe scintillating with silver light. As Sarah-Lily slowly approached her prince, mesmerized in his physical presence, the stable boy emerged from cover of the underbrush and ran up to the maiden. Shouting at her, cursing her, he managed to rouse her from Jareth's spell. No longer bewitched by the Dark Prince, she turned right 'round and kicked the unicorn into a full gallop back for the Glen.

Sarah-Lily managed to get back to the safety of the Glen grounds, but the stable boy wasn't so fortunate. Without the speed of a steed to assist his gait, he failed to make it to the gate in time before Jareth called on his magic to close it, sealing the boy off from sanctuary. Chanting an incantation, the Dark Prince cast an unbreakable sphere of solid vacuum over the boy, sealing his fate.