Here's another new feature I'm adding to this blog: film reviews. Here is where I'll give my thoughts on each of the last ten films -- feature-length and short films both -- that I have seen.
***
Pod (2015)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
Others who've seen this movie criticize it for focusing on the three main characters arguing instead of cutting to the chase and getting down to the paranormal stuff, but I didn't mind that at all; I thought it helped establish mood as the depths of the brother's mental instability were revealed, as the siblings became evermore disturbed by his erratic behaviour.
What let me down about the movie was the ending. It felt too abrupt, too half-assed, like the writer/director just shot whatever idea came to mind without fleshing it out/refining it first.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
I don't know what the hatching egg from the Alien poster's doing here. It doesn't show up in this film, and it certainly doesn't blow anyone's cabin up Independence Day-style.
6/10
Knick Knack (1989)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
Moderately amusing, but nothing to write home about.
Oh yes -- and I watched the original version featuring the pairs of double-D breasts.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
It's film-accurate, but doesn't give the viewer a sense of what the story's about. It fails to depict the snowman's love interest or convey the raging lust he has for her. (This movie sounds less-and-less like a Pixar production with every description I give it, doesn't it?)
6/10
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
I liked the locale. I liked the nightmarish atmosphere. I liked Zohra Lampert's performance. I liked the ambiguity pertaining to the strange events which occur in the film. I didn't like that it wasn't ambiguous enough. (4/5 ain't bad, right?).
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
I love this poster -- it's just so surrealistically, nightmarishly gorgeous -- but it isn't exactly film-accurate. The scene pictured above does take place, just not with giant skeleton hands (a minor flaw on the movie's part, I know).
8/10
This Island Earth (1955)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
I rather liked Jeff Morrow as Exeter, and the matte paintings used to realize the world of Metaluna were pretty damn gorgeous. Unfortunately, the first half of the movie before everyone gets to Metaluna is pretty disinteresting, and the mutant's antics towards the end were more amusing than menacing.
This in the first time I've watched This Island Earth in its un-MST3Ked form. Once will probably be enough for me.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
It captures the imagery of the movie perfectly if not the (lacking) intensity.
7/10
Amityville II: The Possession (1982)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
It's not as abysmal as I remember it being, but it's still a very poor movie. Had the story focused on the eldest daughter instead of the son, if she had survived, and had the film come to a close with the shootings -- thus excising that faux Exorcist garbage -- it could have been at least as slightly above average as the first film.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
The movie wishes it had this much subtlety.
4/10
Amityville 3-D (1983)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
I'd say this sequel was better than the one previous. Sure, many of the scares weren't really scary, the editing was iffy, and the ending was laughably stupid, but the actors gave decent performances (largely) and the "car fire" and "wet ghost" scenes were effectively offputting, so I'd say this sequel more-or-less lives up to the original.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
No, the giant, three-fingered monster hand doesn't show up in the picture. Instead we get the laughably stupid demon from the prior film back -- this time with fire-breathing action!
6/10
Titan A.E. (2000)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
(HERE THERE BE SPOILERS)
The good: Akima's character design.
The bad: the Drej's weak-as-piss reason for destroying the Earth; the tepid characters; the bland/cornball alien designs; the fact that there's nothing to stop the Drej from destroying New Earth, since its location doesn't appear to be kept secret (Or were the Drej supposed to have been completely wiped out by film's end? If that's the case, the damn movie certainly didn't make that clear.).
The ugly: the fusion of traditional animation with 3D animation. I just didn't care for the final result at all.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
Meh,
6/10
Oculus (2013)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
Early in the film, you get the impression that this movie is going to be a horror version of Rashōmon, with the sister and brother giving equal but mutually exclusive descriptions of the trauma they experienced as children -- she believing it was all caused by an evil enchanted mirror, he believing it was the result of more mundane phenomena. The movie does run with that engrossing idea -- for about the first twenty minutes; then it decides to dispense with any possibility that there could be a rational explanation behind their childhood trauma and completely goes for supernatural shenanigans.
The movie from there on out is still very good -- mixing the real with the unreal and the past with the present rather flowingly (though it does get to be a bit of a mess towards the end). Still, I think the film would've been better than good -- a true masterpiece -- if it had just stuck to ambiguity.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
Pretty ugly and unexciting, isn't it? Why can't artists design good posters for horror movies anymore?
8/10
Next (2007)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
I'd say this movie dishonours the name of Philip K. Dick by associating it with such cinematic swill, but Nic Cage's hair's a bird, so my argument's invalid.
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
While it captures the lame, generic atmosphere of the movie perfectly, it makes Jessica Biel look like Shakira and Julianne Moore look like a hybrid clone of Courtney Cox and Christina Ricci.
4/10
Balto (1995)
BRIEF, SYNOPSIS-LESS REVIEW
I have only two things in particular to say in regards to this movie:
- Any movie which features talking animals shouldn't claim to be based on a true story (inspired, sure, but not based).
- "No animals were injured or harmed in the making of this motion picture." Well, seeing as this is an ANIMATED film, that's bloody obvious!
THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE POSTER
It depicts Balto with black-and-white fur instead of the brown fur he actually has in the movie itself. But ignoring that, it tells you everything you need to know about the movie without telling you anything at all.
8/10
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