A Nightmare on Shanks Road

It was the early 1980s and I met Heather Langenkamp/Nancy Thompson.

The dream proper was preceded by this random bit where I was chasing after a faux Heave-Ho.

Unlike a real Heave-Ho, it had two smaller, separate platforms which operated side-by-side rather than a single larger platform, and it was not built strong enough to flip Mario-sized objects. Even though it wasn't capable of launching me into the air, the thing remained dangerous to come into proximity to, so I was cautious in apprehending it. Once I got my grubby little hands on the mechanical bastard, it became a miniature Audrey II and started singing. As I offered it my thumb to suck from, I immediately found myself watching a videotape of Little Shop of Horrors, recording a copy in EP mode as it played.

Suddenly I found myself in the '80s. I don't know if I travelled back in time or this was a universe where I was a baby boomer — the dream was vague in this regard — but there I was, in my late teens, having just watched A Nightmare on Elm Street on the big screen, emerging from the cinema only to meet Heather/Nancy and Johnny Depp/Glen Lantz as they were also coming from watching the movie. Though I said we had all just watched ANOES, it wasn't 1984; Heather/Nancy was still in high school — about 16/17 years old — so the year was 1980/81. Also, though the two had starred together in the movie, Heather/Nancy & Johnny/Glen acted like they didn't know each other and had only now just met for the first time.

As the three of us stood out there, making our acquaintance, I tried my damnedest to keep Heather/Nancy from forming an attraction to Johnny/Glen, striving to get her interested in me instead. It seemed to have worked to some degree, 'cause I soon found myself hanging out with Heather/Nancy and her girlfriends with Johnny/Glen nowhere is sight.

A rusted can of pop and a woman's magazine in hand, one of Heather/Nancy's friends read out a list of the attributes Heather/Nancy found most desirable in a man. From the way she spoke and the combination of words she used, the girl sounded like she was singing the lyrics to a Bruce Springsteen song. I can't precisely remember the lyrics, but there was a line in there going something like "Together, we are drawn to things which will/won't burn us."

Then I woke up.

(I think Wes Craven would've been proud of this dream.)

What a Story, Mark/Last Priest of Krypton/Brunette Bonanza/Apple Binldings/Tuning In Tuning On

I had a dream I told my mother and sister about 

They both got a kick out of my descriptions of the plot and Tommy Wiseau’s persona. I know in real life, though, they’d never be able to enjoy The Room; “so bad it’s good” is a concept utterly foreign to them.

* * *

Superman was an ordained Catholic priest.

He took a demonically possessed teenage girl (who may or may not have been my sister) to a cold, dark, abandoned church with broken doors to perform an exorcism. During the exorcism, the demon periodically hopped in-&-out of Superman's body, using his great powers to wreck havoc across the land.

* * *

I met both Heather Langenkamp and Brooke Shields at a convention.

My reaction was thus.

* * *

In my hometown, on the waterfront of the lake closest to me, were buildings constructed from old apple bins

which had been arranged/stacked together then bolted in place.

* * *

I was watching/inside some Kim Wilde music videos. At least one of these videos had been shot in my hometown. In this particular video, Ms. Wilde walked backward through town, from the lake to the highway. As this was happening, the seasons were passing in reverse, from summer through to winter.

During the dream, I caught some of the lyrics; they weren’t bad, but could’ve used some polishing.

(I forgot them soon after I awoke.)

Outside the video, Ms. Wilde and I met up in a local thrift store. We made chit-chat in front of a small shelf bearing gaudy, ugly clothing.

From the Dream Archives: Cousin Sonja: Sorceress Seductress Supreme/Hell Hath No Fury Like a Lycanthrope Scorned/American Revenant/Attack of the Mutant Leaky-Ceiling Yellow Jackets/Leave Michael & Heather Alone/Giorgio Tsoukalos Combs His Hair

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 30 AUGUST 2015)

Had a particularly disconcerting dream where I lost my virginity to a Russian first cousin named Sonja.

I must have been an inglorious lover, 'cause she turned out to be a vindictive witch — literally. She conjured vicious mountain lions up before me and caused the local clinic doctors to be dangerously unsanitary.

Suffice to say, I enjoyed the first half of the dream. The second, not so much.

* * *

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 2 DECEMBER 2015)

Had a peculiar dream wherein I was a character in a horror film.

If I recall the sequence of events correctly, my reluctant werewolf ex-lover betrayed me to her extended family of loup-garou. They promptly slaughtered me.

* * *

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 14 DECEMBER 2015)

A word to the wise: Don't stay up to 8:00 AM. If you do, you're liable to have nightmares about being strangled by a putrescent, undead Patrick Bateman.

* * *

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 4 MAY 2016)

Was woken this morning by a somewhat disturbing dream.

In my dream, after having jets of rancid rainwater wash over my face from my leaky bedroom ceiling,

more of the ceiling caved in, revealing giant yellow jacket nests in the rafters above.

(And I don't just mean that the nests were gigantic; the wasps themselves were supersized.)

I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I utterly loathe my bedroom and yellow jackets. 

(Why it bothered, I'll never know. I was already consciously aware of my hatred for both.)

* * *

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 15 MAY 2016)

Dreamt that a young Michael Jackson

(Okay, not this young.)

and Heather Langenkamp

*swoon*

starred in a movie together, playing lovers caught in a Romeo & Juliet-type situation. The dream/movie even came complete with a version of Jackson's "Leave Me Alone" music video co-starring Ms. Langenkamp. Clancy Brown was cast as the main villain,

(Surprise, surprise.)

with Jack Purvis and a dwarf version of Jean Smart in supporting roles.

 * * *

(ORIGINAL ENTRY DATE: 12 JUNE 2016)

Dreamt a dream wherein I was a teenage student in a high school science class. Giorgio Tsoukalos was brought in as a guest speaker.

(Oddly enough, his hair was combed and neat.)